So why do I like the Ren Faire so much? No, I'm not a crazy fan fiction kind of girl (no offense, fan fiction girls), I just really love any excuse to dress up and escape reality. Plus, it's a chance to people watch and make fun of all the crazies. But, more specifically, here are my top 9 ridiculously awesome reasons for loving the Ren Faire:
Number Nine: Outfits from the wrong time period/genre
The Ren Faire is just an excuse for some people to dress up like the fictional characters they wish they were. For example, I have seen Jack Sparrow, the Mad Hatter, LOTR characters, and Xena within the same 20 yard radius. Don't worry; the world did not implode.
Number Eight: Lingo
We get to don a different persona when in the world of the Renaissance, and this includes speech. Below is a chart of common phrases in "the tongue of the Realm":
Also, most everyone wearing a legit costume will speak in a British accent. Awesome.
Number Seven: Beards and long man hair
For some reason, guys at the Ren Faire actually look good with long hair. It's weird, but it's true, generally. Just don't try to picture any of those sexy pirate guys in a normal setting with their long hair, or you'll be immediately repulsed.
Beards are also accept--wait, I take that back. Beards are never acceptable. EVEN IN THE RENAISSANCE. But there is a good deal of scruff goin' on, which I cannot deny that I LOVE.
Number Six: Ridiculously expensive hand-made items
If I had a thousand dollars, that would not be enough to pay for all the really cool, one-of-a-kind goods that I want to buy at the Faire. But, I at least get to walk around and admire them all day. I'll usually allow myself to buy one thing to add to my carnie collection, but even then I have a budget. Some of the items on my wish list include a leather mask, legit leather shoes (curled pointy toe), and an awesome feather hat (or hats).
Number Five: Ridiculously expensive food
The Faire is famous for its giant turkey legs, but I'm not really into that. My staples are the Toad-in-a-Hole (lovely seasoned meat blend wrapped in flaky pastry crust), shepherd's pie, mango ice (pureed mango frozen back inside a mango rind), and Sin-on-a-Stick (chocolate-covered frozen cheesecake . . . "There are seven deadly sins, but only one on a stick!").
Number Four: Chivalry is not dead
I once passed by an entire band of the Queen's gentlemen who bowed to me and tipped their hats whilst saying, "Milady." That's right. RESPECT.
Number Three: Giant beer glasses
Now, I don't drink, but you can't deny that this is ridiculously awesome:
Number Two: Shows, specifically The Bold and Stupid Men Show and Moonie and Broon Show
Much of the Ren Faire is filled with bawdy jokes and actors trying to make you blush by tricking you into doing naughty things. Some shows, however, keep the innuendo to a minimum, which I appreciate. My two favorites are The Bold and Stupid Men Show and The Moonie and Broon Show.
Sadly, Don Giovanni and Bolt Upright (the bold and stupid men) no longer grace the stage, but their memory LIVES ON. I shall never forget the time that Maggie SAT IN THE LAP of Mr. Upright. And to the the question (said in a ridiculous, up-speak British accent) "How's your day been?!" I will forever swing my fist onto my hip and proclaim, "Damn fine, thanks!" ("And if it's been a really good day . . . USE BOTH FISTS!")
Moonie and Broon team up at the last hour of the Faire every day and combine their skills of fire juggling, whip snapping, tight-rope walking, bowling ball balancing, tongue-transfer fire eating, and improvisation to create a joyous display of epic hilarity. Some favorite quotables from this duo include: "The cracking of my whip is the sound of tiny gnome skulls colliding" (Broon) and "FaLA . . . lalalaLA . . . " (Moonie). (I'm sure these are funnier in context.)
Drum roll . . .
Number One: Random actors (especially Puritans)
Actors and vendors are what make the Ren Faire freaking hilarious. Girls, if you need a self esteem boost, this is the place to go because there will always be someone hitting on you. One of my best stories from the Faire is kind of flattering on the one hand, and super creepy on the other.
So the GC and I were entering the Faire, and right at the front there are a bunch of actors greeting and interacting with and teasing people. This one actor (a white guy in his mid twenties who might be attractive except for the extremely distracting LONG BLONDE DREADS) is standing in our path, and so our group splits to go around him, except for me, of course, and I run right into him. He immediately takes me up in his arms and starts dancing with me, saying something that I'm not listening to because I'm looking after my friends who have just LEFT ME with this guy. Finally, I look at him and he says to me, "Don't let my eyes do all the feasting!" and proceeds to slobber on my neck! Ick! Naturally, I tore myself away from him and ran to catch up with my lame friends.
Finally, the Puritans are eternally entertaining. Once we were standing around minding our own business when one of them starts running away pointing back at us saying, "They've released the harpies from hell!"
In sum, the Renaissance Pleasure Faire is a place of joy and laughter for all ages. DON'T MISS OUT.
The Ren Faire is just an excuse for some people to dress up like the fictional characters they wish they were. For example, I have seen Jack Sparrow, the Mad Hatter, LOTR characters, and Xena within the same 20 yard radius. Don't worry; the world did not implode.
 |
| A pack of rogue Xena fans |
 |
| "You shall not pass!" |
We get to don a different persona when in the world of the Renaissance, and this includes speech. Below is a chart of common phrases in "the tongue of the Realm":
| Good morning. | = | Good morrow. |
| Good afternoon. | = | Good day. |
| I’ll see you later. | = | I shall see you anon. |
| How are you? | = | How now? |
| Please… | = | Prithee or Pray… |
| Thank you. | = | Grammercy. |
| Hello, nice to see you! | = | Hail and well met! |
| What time is it? | = | How stands the hour? |
| Where are the restrooms? | = | Whither be the privies? |
| What is your name? | = | What be thy tide? |
| Please wait on me! | = | Prithee, attend me! |
| I'm thirsty. | = | I be parched. |
| Goodbye, I gotta go! | = | Fare thee well; I must away! |
Also, most everyone wearing a legit costume will speak in a British accent. Awesome.
Number Seven: Beards and long man hair
For some reason, guys at the Ren Faire actually look good with long hair. It's weird, but it's true, generally. Just don't try to picture any of those sexy pirate guys in a normal setting with their long hair, or you'll be immediately repulsed.
 |
| On second thought, the guy on the right looks like a girl. |
Number Six: Ridiculously expensive hand-made items
If I had a thousand dollars, that would not be enough to pay for all the really cool, one-of-a-kind goods that I want to buy at the Faire. But, I at least get to walk around and admire them all day. I'll usually allow myself to buy one thing to add to my carnie collection, but even then I have a budget. Some of the items on my wish list include a leather mask, legit leather shoes (curled pointy toe), and an awesome feather hat (or hats).
 |
| This one!!! |
The Faire is famous for its giant turkey legs, but I'm not really into that. My staples are the Toad-in-a-Hole (lovely seasoned meat blend wrapped in flaky pastry crust), shepherd's pie, mango ice (pureed mango frozen back inside a mango rind), and Sin-on-a-Stick (chocolate-covered frozen cheesecake . . . "There are seven deadly sins, but only one on a stick!").
 |
| The lovely gay man who gave me my "sin." |
I once passed by an entire band of the Queen's gentlemen who bowed to me and tipped their hats whilst saying, "Milady." That's right. RESPECT.
Number Three: Giant beer glasses
Now, I don't drink, but you can't deny that this is ridiculously awesome:
Number Two: Shows, specifically The Bold and Stupid Men Show and Moonie and Broon Show
Much of the Ren Faire is filled with bawdy jokes and actors trying to make you blush by tricking you into doing naughty things. Some shows, however, keep the innuendo to a minimum, which I appreciate. My two favorites are The Bold and Stupid Men Show and The Moonie and Broon Show.
Sadly, Don Giovanni and Bolt Upright (the bold and stupid men) no longer grace the stage, but their memory LIVES ON. I shall never forget the time that Maggie SAT IN THE LAP of Mr. Upright. And to the the question (said in a ridiculous, up-speak British accent) "How's your day been?!" I will forever swing my fist onto my hip and proclaim, "Damn fine, thanks!" ("And if it's been a really good day . . . USE BOTH FISTS!")
Moonie and Broon team up at the last hour of the Faire every day and combine their skills of fire juggling, whip snapping, tight-rope walking, bowling ball balancing, tongue-transfer fire eating, and improvisation to create a joyous display of epic hilarity. Some favorite quotables from this duo include: "The cracking of my whip is the sound of tiny gnome skulls colliding" (Broon) and "FaLA . . . lalalaLA . . . " (Moonie). (I'm sure these are funnier in context.)
 |
| Allie and I with Moonie (right) and Broon (left) |
Number One: Random actors (especially Puritans)
Actors and vendors are what make the Ren Faire freaking hilarious. Girls, if you need a self esteem boost, this is the place to go because there will always be someone hitting on you. One of my best stories from the Faire is kind of flattering on the one hand, and super creepy on the other.
So the GC and I were entering the Faire, and right at the front there are a bunch of actors greeting and interacting with and teasing people. This one actor (a white guy in his mid twenties who might be attractive except for the extremely distracting LONG BLONDE DREADS) is standing in our path, and so our group splits to go around him, except for me, of course, and I run right into him. He immediately takes me up in his arms and starts dancing with me, saying something that I'm not listening to because I'm looking after my friends who have just LEFT ME with this guy. Finally, I look at him and he says to me, "Don't let my eyes do all the feasting!" and proceeds to slobber on my neck! Ick! Naturally, I tore myself away from him and ran to catch up with my lame friends.
Finally, the Puritans are eternally entertaining. Once we were standing around minding our own business when one of them starts running away pointing back at us saying, "They've released the harpies from hell!"
 |
| Puritans: Not much different from extreme religionists today |
Hahahahaha we are harpies! Ahhh the pleasures of the renn faire!
ReplyDeletethis has filled me with the overwhelming desire to go to the renn faire this year, sadly I haven't gone in quite some time!
ReplyDeleteYES!!! You have truly covered all the bases. Well done.
ReplyDelete