Maiden Voyage of the Great Ship Schmahlo

Hey all you 20 somethings/literally any age I don’t discriminate, this is for you! You know the hardships of entering the job mark or what I call the all you can suck buffet (I’m just kidding, no one calls it that.. or do they?). I just graduated from college, from a pretty prestigious college too, and I had the worst trouble finding a job. I’m not really going to complain too much because I have had a measure of success but still the process is nerve wrecking humiliating and degrading all wrapped up into months of FUN!

dramatic representation of the joys of the job market 

            First of all I’m going to just put it out there and say it’s basically like online dating, you create your profile, resume, send out messages, job queries/applications, and pray you get some kind of response back. I kid you not I submitted at least 50 job applications over the course of two weeks and got exactly two responses, and that was pretty good, I was very proud. One of these was for a temp agency, which they were not clear about being when I read their job description and the other was for a pet store. I went for an interview at the temp agency, which had given itself a fancy designation to convince people they weren’t actually a temp agency (they are though shhh it’s apparently a secret). I got enrolled in their program, 2 months later not a single job opening for Schmahlo, le sigh. I’m trying not to be crushed, really. With the pet store I’ve had better luck, I was hired as an overnight pet care specialist for their pet hotel.

This job title is misleading, it sounds like I have a lot of experience as someone who takes care of animals like perhaps a lion trainer or a giraffe herder, 

Schmahlo: Lion Tamer extraordinaire! 

... but as glamorous as those jobs are, and as much as I would love to do them (and I applied mind you) that is not what I do. Yes, ladies and gentlemen I pick up poop for a living BOOM college degree ladies and gentlemen, I earned a college degree for that.

            You know what though, I’m one of the lucky ones. Entry level jobs are getting harder and harder to find and even if you happen to magically qualify with the two years of experience that lots of ENTRY level jobs (explain that to me dictionary, what does entry mean again, oh yeah not two years experience, that’s right, I forgot, CAN’T IMAGINE WHY!) it's a long shot that you'll even get an interview. Even though I wish I had a more glamorous job with the conventional 9 to 5, when the pickings are slim and slim… get picking? There’s a saying in there somewhere I’m sure.

            I do enjoy my job, even though it’s not what I originally thought I would be looking for. It gives me the opportunity to be around animals all day which brings me to PART II of the blog, my newest obsession, a cat. I want a pet cat probably more than I want to get into grad school at the moment. When I decide I want something or want to do something I obsess over it, I do research, I talk about it constantly to EVERYONE, regardless of their interest, and this time I’ve come to conclusion that I want a british shorthair cat. 

We are not amused! 

thug life

Yes, I may have an obsession with fat cats

They are majestic creatures, british and dignified with that stiff upper lip I so admire and JOWLS! Plus they’re affectionate without being needy, independent and lazy enough that they do well as indoor cats, which is a plus because I live in an apartment in a slightly shady part of town and there is no way in hell I’m letting a cat I love wander the streets in my neighborhood!

             Also there is the added benefit of almost guaranteeing I’ll have a fat cat, these things are so lazy it’s a sure thing! I basically just want an animal that will keep me company, prefer myself to all others, be super fat, and low maintenance… so a cat. My roommate will come to terms with it I’m sure.

            Well I hope you’ve all learned something, if only that everyone should go get an awesome fat cat to love and feed and tease with a piece of string. Come on guys, it’s the little things in life! 

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